Let's Leave the Cardboard Boxes for Make Believe Play Houses

For the past few months my husband and sons and I have undertaken a major renovation project; and we don't take on half-hearted projects. No faint-hearted ‘repainting and hanging new curtains’ renovation for us... we've ripped out plaster walls, kitchen cabinets, 60 year old cast iron bathtubs (which we discovered were installed then the walls built in around them--that's another story!),  sinks, steel wall tiles, flooring, toilets… basically gutted everything and started from scratch. In the early stages, I'm always motivated by the thrill of getting past the mess to the final project (bedsides I’m a virtuoso with a splitting mall, crowbar, or any other demolition tool). However, experience has taught me that every job takes three times longer than projected… and toward the end I get impatient (and generally start planning-- or beginning-- the NEXT project). We’re finally nearing that end, with all new cupboards, appliances, bathroom fixtures, and a shiny washer/dryer combo.

After an intense week installing all these new purchases, I had a whole room filled floor to ceiling with cardboard boxes. In an effort to be frugal, I decided to cut up all the cardboard into small pieces to use starting fires in our woodstove.  Who knew this would take most of an afternoon? After about 45 minutes cutting cardboard rectangles, I was decidedly grumpy and questioning why we have cardboard boxes at all. So trying to reframe my curmudgeonly outlook I started brainstorming the positive uses of cardboard boxes. After about 25 creative ideas my exercise stopped suddenly when I thought about how many people in and the world… and yes, even in the U.S., are forced to find refuge living in cardboard boxes. Humility and gratitude for the abundance in my life staunched any further grumblings. The day I was doing this was in February; it was cold, icy, windy and had been cold, icy and windy for an eternity already (2 months). I imagined living with cardboard walls, floors and ceilings- and realized how lucky I am.

I’ve got a full house-- 2 grown kids, 2 cats, 3 fish, a hamster and a galumphing 60 pound Golden Retriever puppy… lots of activity ...and mud. Sometimes I almost dread going home to the endless housework, repairs, snow shoveling in winter and lawn mowing in summer … oh and of course, there’s the dishes and vacuuming I didn’t get to this morning- a seemingly infinite ‘to do’ list of  life’s little worries... but I don’t daily worry about where my family will sleep tonight or if we’ll have food. I don’t worry about homelessness… but many in our community do. The Saratoga County Housing Alliance conducts a count of homeless persons each year. On just one single day in January last year they counted 289 single individuals and 89 families (with a total of 196 people in those families) who were homeless on that day in Saratoga County.  

The Saratoga County Affordable Housing Workgroup with assistance from CARES Inc. and the Capital District Regional Planning Commission recently completed Working Together for Affordable Housing Plan, a ten year plan to address affordable housing for all community members. Extrapolating annual numbers from available data they state “850 households is a more likely estimate of the homeless in the County.” We often envision homeless persons as we’ve seen them so often in the media--single men pushing shopping carts (maybe with a bottle in a paper bag) living on the streets in major cities. In Saratoga County, homeless persons often work, but aren’t able to make ends meet… often are families, and rarely live on the street all year (you can’t in the winter), but instead struggle each week to find somewhere to live for “just a couple of days’. Unlike the big cities, homeless in upstate New York is hidden and unrecognized. The Affordable Housing Plan cites a typical example of homelessness in our county:

“ …a young, working single father  was living in his home in Corinth which he owned with his partner and young daughter. When his partner moved out of the home, he had difficulty making the mortgage payments. Eventually his home went into foreclosure, but he was able to receive family help paying the mortgage. Soon after this short financial reprieve, the company he worked for closed, leaving him without a job for one month. His mortgage went back into foreclosure and he eventually lost his house. He had great difficulty finding an affordable place to move to that would keep his daughter near daycare and pre-school and close to his new job. He found a small house to rent but the rent was almost as much as his previous mortgage. He is now struggling with making his rent and affording the cost of fuel for the home. He is no longer eligible to get a mortgage on another home since he went into foreclosure. As a single parent, a large amount of his income is spent on child care costs. In order to make ends meet, his extended family is helping him with fuel oil costs.”

On one single day  we counted 485 homeless people in a community as stable as Saratoga County. Most people can’t imagine this... and can't imagine what it's like to be homeless.

Tomorrow’s blog:

A conversation with four people who are/were recently homeless.

Changing The World… One Garden At A Time

I'm generally relatively optimistic about winter. While we get a couple of months of snow, our area has relatively little fear of weather-related catastrophes... blessedly few tornadoes, monsoons,  landslides, devastating earthquakes, etc. Winter is frosty and inconvenient, but I find that if I make time to play outside once in a while, I appreciate the beauty and am invigorated by delicate snowflakes, icy tree branches and crisp mornings.. BUT by early March, I generally have had MORE THAN ENOUGH  opportunities to catch snowflakes on my tongue and watch delightedly as my Golden retriever plunges his head into snow piles and comes up with a snow covered face.  It's time for spring! And spring means planning my garden, planting seeds and dreaming of green growth, warm soil and the sense of rebirth that spring brings.

And when I think of seeds I think of a local nonprofit that uses seeds and gardens to heal the scars of war-- scars  inflicted upon people, upon nations, and upon our earth:

Sue Johnson is the founder and director of Seeds for Peace, a non-profit organization that provides seeds and gardening tools to people affected by war, disease, ethnic strife, natural disasters, and poverty. In 1998, a Saratogian newspaper article planted the idea for "Seeds of Peace", gardens for war torn areas … and with unflappable tenacity Sue germinated tiny mustard seed of an idea into a project that has benefited 5,000 to 10,000 people worldwide!

In 2000, with the help of local volunteers, Seeds of Peace was able to provide seeds for eight "peace gardens" in Bosnia and Herzegovnia. The gardens provided a safe and supportive environment where people from different ethnicities work side by side to grow food for their families. The Bosnian War displaced over 2.2 million people, forced men and women into concentration camps, and resulted in a death toll around 97,000 people The Seeds for Peace beneficiaries were war widows and children trying to cope with the devastation of years of war. This isn’t just about food; it’s about healing and reconciling.

The packets of seeds and gardening tools Sue’s organization sends overseas enable war-weary and storm-stricken people to feed themselves, to regain human dignity, and even to work peacefully beside those they once called enemies. Sue tells the story of two war-traumatized women. One, a Bosnian lost her entire family; the other a Serbian lost her two children to the war. In a country filled with hatred, the two women have turned the earth, planted seeds, watered, weeded, harvested, shared the food with other battle-traumatized women … and they have become best friends. Peace is not achieved by governmental cease fire agreements… it is achieved by people building bridges that transcend the violence, devastating losses, and hatred. It is achieved by planting seeds for peace.

Sue visits women in these impoverished countries. Although the skin color, clothing, and language are very different, when she sits with them, gardens, cooks over open fires, they are as familiar to one another as sisters.

Recently the community in Bosnia that Sue visited and assisted in 2008 was in an article by the Communty Gardens Association. click here to read the article  Sue commented, "The article captures the real meaning of these community gardens. These Bosnians are still our biggest recipient of seeds and are in desperate need of help. I plan on raising funds for their spring season.  We need $ 1200 for plowing, maure and fuel for the greenhouse water pump."

You can help by sending donations to

Seeds for Peace

PO Box 10

Saratoga Springs, NY 12866  

For more information about Seeds for Peace, visit their website  http://www.seedsforpeace.net/index.html  

“Battered Women Taste Better” --- Huh?!

                    

Yesterday domestic violence advocates across the state were incensed when it came to our attention that amazon.com was selling a tee shirt by Old Glory that read “Battered Women Taste Better”. For those of us who daily see the effects of abuse on families-- the terror, pain and disillusionment as a partner controls, humiliates and inflicts physical and emotional pain in the name of love, the trite play on words is perplexing and sad. What motivates someone to spend $14.95 plus shipping and handling on a shirt that communicates this particular message to the world?

Initially Old Glory was unmoved by calls of concern. Their representative commented by e-mail,

“It is someone’s right to sell any product they wish as it is up to someone else, to

view it or buy it … this is not something my company will remove. …it is our right

 to sell the product. Have a wonderful day.”  

After Fox 23 became interested in the story the tee was removed from the website.

In our office there were many different reactions to the tee shirt… but speechless characterized the most frequent response.   It’s sad that after we’ve committed 30 years to helping victims and raising awareness that a manufacturer would market a shirt with this puny and insensitive pun … clearly we’ve still got a lot of work to do in changing how our society views intimate partner violence. When we ignore acts and images of violence we’re tacitly condoning them.  Here’s a challenge, this week as you’re watching prime time TV, count how many times intimate partner violence or sexual assault are part of the show. .. you might be surprised. It’s reassuring that so many people find this shirt offensive, but at DVRC we worry that this public hoopla, instead of advancing awareness, might actually distract us from the really important work. Do water cooler discussions about this shirt increase awareness or do they minimize the issue?  Once this story has been covered will it prompt a bigger discussion about how we work collectively to end abuse…or will we shake our heads at the passionate wrangling over a sophomoric tee shirt? If the shirt is pulled off the shelf because of our opposition do we as a society then feel we’ve done our part to end domestic violence?

What do you think? Is taking a stand about this shirt an important step in social advocacy…. or does it trivialize this issue in the public’s mind?

Survivors...

sur·vi·vor (sər vī′vər)

noun

1.    a person or thing that survives; specif., a person who has survived an ordeal or great misfortune

2.    a person regarded as resilient or courageous enough to be able to overcome hardship, misfortune, etc.

Team LUNA Chix

There are many kinds of survivors. At DVRC, everyday we see individuals who once called themselves victims… victims of dating violence, victims of domestic violence, victims of sexual assault… but who now call themselves survivors. There are survivors of war, survivors of serious illness… and yes, even survivors in television ‘reality’ shows (which in no way look like what most of us call reality). On January 29^th, Team LUNA Chix, a group of ladies who know quite a bit about survival (and crossing the finish line) held an event to support other women who are survivors of a different kind.

The women of Team LUNA Chix Triathlon and Team LUNA Chix New York Mountain Bike joined forces to help women who are breast cancer survivors and women who are survivors of domestic violence by organizing LunaFest… a unique film festival featuring 10 films by, for and about women.

Almost 300 people attended the film festival and shared laughter, tears, and inspiration as they watched films depicting women’s lives. From stories of love to breakups, to a young women’s feelings of living with AIDS, to an elder woman’s struggles to remain independent despite the challenges of Alzheimer’s, to inspiring stories of women in unconventional jobs, the films showed lives that encompass love, heartbreak, courage, joy…and celebrated women and their roles as survivors.

In addition to inspiring us, Lunafest raised almost $6,000 to support the Breast Cancer Fund and Domestic Violence and Rape Crisis Services. Consider this:

§  1 in 4 women is a victim of intimate partner violence in her lifetime, and

§  One in eight women or 12.6% of all women will get breast cancer in her lifetime.

The Breast Cancer Fund is committed to exposing and eliminating environmental causes of cancer… to stopping cancer before it starts. Visit http://www.breastcancerfund.org/reduce-your-risk/tips/ for some of their prevention tips you can implement today to reduce your exposure to potential carcinogens.

Click here http://dvrcsaratoga.org/for more information about DVRC and its services and how you can help.

Bartender’s Ball… Are you attending this year? What do you love about the Ball?

I recall speaking with a couple last year who attend the Bartender’s Ball every year. Why? Because on their first date they went to the Ball together and years later they’re still together and in love… and enjoying the Ball as much as the first time they went. I love that story. Whenever I talk about the Ball I hear from people who love to go each year and every one has a different reason why they attend. I think it’s great that for fourteen years the efforts of the Saratoga County Chamber of Commerce and the Saratoga Hospitality Industry have raised over $350,000 for local charities AND have given us all such a wonderful night on the town!

So… do you plan on attending Bartender’s Ball this year? Have you got a great story to share? What’s your favorite thing about the Ball?

And if you’re new to the Ball or just want more information on this year’s Ball read Maggie’s 2/2/2011 blog “Have You Made Your Plans for Valentine’s Weekend?“ at http://maggiefronk.blogspot.com/2011/02/have-you-made-your-plans-for-valentines.html

Have You Made Your Plans for Valentine’s Weekend?

Well I’d considered a clichéd title for a pre-Valentines blog, perhaps Love is in the Air, but looking out the window today all I could come up with was Snow is in the Air. Those chilly, white, slippery, slushy sometimes icy wintry conditions that I’ve seen here since my childhood (or, depending on my mood, breathtakingly beautiful, glimmering, peacefully silent, or excitingly invigorating); that familiar winter weather seems to have taken on media superstar status. I hear there are contests to name this storm… Greatest Storm in History? Stormageddon? Winterpalooza?  Based on past experience, by tomorrow we’ll be shoveled out and Punxsutawney Phil’s prediction of an early spring will have us daydreaming of daffodils, sunshine, and green grass while the familiar Musak-like refrain from Love is in the Air plays in our memories.

So now that I’ve embraced every cliché possible, let’s get to the real issue. Valentine’s Day is in 12 days… and this year it’s on a Monday (not exactly the optimal day of the week for romancing one’s beloved). But there’s a whole weekend right before the holiday to woo your sweetie so allow me to offer a suggestion. Does your honey like getting dressed up, enjoying elegant dinners & dancing all night? How does this sound for a romantic evening? You enter a lavishly decorated ballroom and stop briefly to sample from trays of colossal shrimp and platters of hors d’oeuvres, then after a quick detour to the martini bar or craft beer bar, you find your table and sit for a moment to relax and find your toes tapping as the Audiostars lure you out of the chairs and onto the dance floor with all those classic songs you’ve loved for years. After your dancing shoes are ready for a rest, enjoy a bountiful buffet that includes: Tenderloin of Beef carved to order, Blackened Pork Loin, Shrimp Scampi, Pasta Florentine and an array of side dishes. Then it‘s your choice, another libation, back to the dance floor, or get a special Valentine’s picture taken together? Round out the night at the dessert buffet, at the chocolate fountain or dancing until midnight.

If this sounds more special than hurriedly celebrating after work on Monday come to the Bartender’s Ball on Saturday, February 12 at the Saratoga Springs City Center. This exciting evening of romance is a bargain at only $50/person, but it’s a reservation only event. There are no ticket sales at the door, so call 583-0280 today to make your reservations.

This is a charity fundraiser sponsored by the Saratoga Chamber of Commerce and the Saratoga Hospitality Industry. One hundred percent of the proceeds benefit Domestic Violence and Rape Crisis Services of Saratoga County. So while you’re enjoying an enchanted evening, you’re also helping families in need.  

Teens and Dating... A Mom's View in Fluorescent Lighting

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month

As a mom of two teenagers (actually a teenager and a 21 year-old… hmm when did this happen?) I, like many parents, would like to think that teen dating is carefree and fun (occasionally momentarily heartbreaking), but that issues like dating violence and date rape don’t happen in my hometown. I’m not alone. In a national study, 81% of parents state they do not believe teen dating violence is an issue or don’t know of it being an issue.  Unfortunately for me, my rose colored glasses aren’t much use in the fluorescent glare of a workplace that helps victims of intimate partner violence. Through the work I do I’m well aware that:

§  1 in 3 teens in a serious relationship report that they’ve been concerned about being hurt physically by a boyfriend or girlfriend… and 20% of these teens have already been hit, pushed or slapped by their boyfriend or girlfriend.

§  29% of girls have been pressured to engage in sexual acts when they didn’t want to do so and 23% said d they’ve gone further sexually than they wanted as a result of this pressure.

§  The average age for sexual assault is 18 ½ years old.

What’s worse is that victims of dating violence tend to minimize or normalize their experience. Dating violence is a pattern of controlling behavior that may include physical, sexual, emotional, and verbal abuse, isolation, threats and intimidation, and harassment through technology. While these behaviors persist and can escalate over time, victims may not realize the behavior is abusive. In fact some of the early warning signs of abuse can be mistaken those first stages of love: wanting to spend all your time with the other person, calling or texting continually just to check in, expressing jealously when guys or girls take an interest in ‘your’ loved one.

The question I’m most often asked is, “Why do people stay in abusive relationships?” While there are many answers to that question, a very basic one is “they didn’t see this coming.” I often say, “If I went out on a date and came home with a black eye, I wouldn’t date that person again.” That’s not how it happens. The process is far more insidious; the abuser is often kind, helpful and flattering in the beginning and only in time, bit by bit, does the criticism, intimidation, isolation, pathological jealously become apparent.  

So what are some of the early red flags that may indicate a teen is in an abusive relationship?

• Changes in appearance or behaviors. Have they started dressing just to please the boyfriend or girlfriend? Have they given up hobbies or activities they enjoyed before the relationship?
• Spending ALL their time with the boyfriend or girlfriend. Has the teen stopped spending time with friends? Does the new boyfriend or girlfriend criticize the teens past friendships or cause problems when the teen is with others? Social isolation is a common technique to make a partner dependent.
• Having to be accountable to the new boyfriend or girlfriend. Does the new friend constantly call or text to check up on where the teen is or whom he/she is with?
• Physical injuries. Are there unexplained bruises, injuries or is the teen physically hurting him/herself?
• Emotional Abuse. Does the new partner embarrass, humiliate, belittle or otherwise demean the teen in front of others?

What’s a parent to do? 

Here are a few helpful ways to talk to your teen courtesy of the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence:

·         Talk to teens about dating.  Let them know what characteristics are parts of healthy and unhealthy relationships.  Let them know you are willing to have an open conversation with them about their concerns so they will be more likely to come to you in the future if they have problems.

·         Try not to be judgmental. Limit expressing your opinions or passing judgment on your teen’s decisions or they may be less likely to come to you if something goes wrong.  Try not to provide an immediate solution or explanations for what has happened because that can also seem judgmental to your teen.

·         Listen and then respond when talking to your teen about their relationships.  This helps them feel like they are being heard and also gives you the opportunity to give them the best information possible for their situation

·         Validate your teen.  Let them know that you believe they have been abused by their partner and that is not their fault for what has happened.

·         Let your teen know there is support.  Let your teen know you are there for them to turn to but there are also outside resources they can reach out to such as school social workers or guidance counselors.

Talking to your teen about dating violence can be a challenging subject, especially if you have concerns they are in an unhealthy relationship.  If you have questions on how to approach the subject with your teen or would like to find out more about our services, please feel free to contact Domestic Violence and Rape Crisis services at (518) 583-0280 or our 24-hour hotline at (518) 584-8188.

LUNAFEST Film Festival

Women who hop on bikes and charge up and down mountains... women whose idea of a fun day off is competing in  a grueling race,on foot, on a bike and in the water - all in the same day! That's Team LUNA Chix (NY Mountain Bike and Albany Triathalon).

These are gals who know something about survival... about setting goals and about transcending obstacles. And their next challenge is to help other women who have experienced a different kind of survival- breast cancer survivors and domestic violence survivors. 

To do that they are sponsoring LUNAFEST a film festival with short films by, for and about women. Filled with stories of reflection and whimsy, hope and humor, grace and perseverance, LUNAFEST films are renowned for celebrating the talents and stories of women. Collectively, LUNAFEST films captivate audiences, compel dialogue and arm those who participate with both the knowledge and the motivation to make a difference in their communities.From quirky animation to touching documentaries, the 10 selected films are incredibly diverse in both style and subject matter, united by a common thread of exceptional storytelling by, for, about women

 LUNAFEST Film Festival

Date: January 29, 2011 6:00pm Location: Revolution HallTroy, NY

Ticket Price:
$20 at the door,
$15 seniors, students and presale

FOR MORE INFORMATION: Contact 518-421-0551 

http://www.lunafest.org/calendar-detail.cfm?EventID=707

BENEFITS:

Breast Cancer Fund 

and 

Domestic Violence and Rape Crisis Services of Saratoga County (DVRC)
http://www.dvrcsaratoga.org/

Best for Women ...all women...everywhere

 

I spent today at the annual Soroptimist retreat. I'll confess, each year when the retreat day comes, I need to drag myself there. That's not a reflection on the retreat, but rather the state of my weekends. So on Saturday morning as I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get it all done this weekend: cleaning the house, paying bills, installing and painting wainscoting, practicing heeling with my puppy (we've done lots of indoor practice with “down”, “stay”, “leave it”, “come”, but too many long workdays meant we've done very little outdoor walking together so we need to seriously cram before Sunday's class), cleaning out the car, and grocery shopping (unless I want a repeat of last weekend where every meal's menu centered around Swiss chard and cheese)-- well the Soroptimist retreat felt like an obligation that I just didn't have the time for.

And then something magical happened... I went to the retreat. Thanks to the fine planning and facilitation by Valerie Orapallo, Rachel Alderman and Stacie Mayette what could be a tedious day of membership retention activities , increasing leadership skills, and strategizing future directions for the Club is instead a day filled with learning, insights, wit and wisdom...and sisterhood. And more than anything this retreat once again (as it does every year) rekindled my commitment to the Club and my appreciation for what an impressive impact Soroptimists have in Saratoga County and worldwide (for more info on specific Soroptimist activities read  http://maggiefronk.blogspot.com/2011/01/whats-soroptimist.html.

In the years I've been a member, I've seen Soroptimist change-- for the better. The group was always concerned and committed-- and offered wonderful opportunities to interact meaningfully with women who I would not otherwise get to know. But in recent years, we've gotten more focused and mission-oriented, launching new programs, and increasing our expectations of ourselves. The change has not gone unnoticed. Soroptimist of Saratoga County won the governor's cup for our region (and it's clear that there are a number of high achievers in the Club who intend to make sure our Club earns that cup every year!) Their signature local service activity, Project Hope and Power, has also garnered support at the district and regional level.

At the retreat we challenged ourselves to consider whether we're doing enough not only locally, but to help more globally, to support women who commit their lives to global volunteerism, and strategically direct our resources to have the greatest impact.  We also challenged each member to assume a leadership role-- and gave tangible tools to make this happen.

And I left the retreat, not overwhelmed, but rather energized-- not just about my commitment to this fantastic organization, but energized in general...and grateful for the friendships with women who are intelligent, talented, creative, gracious, and inspirational leaders. The challenges of the weekend seemed insignificant-- I'm part of a group that makes a difference in so many lives, surely a little home renovation and housekeeping isn't insurmountable (but it' still gonna take a lot of practice to master “heel” before Sunday's class).

Are YOU Interested in doing one thing to help make a difference for women and girls?

Come to Cabin Fever!

Join us for lunch and to meet
 Mika Brzezinski
 co-host of MSNBC's Morning Joe,journalist, author, and media icon

Saturday, January 29^th at noon

For more information visit:

http://www.soroptimistsaratoga.org/1932.html

What's a Soroptimist?

I'm member of Soroptimist and I've had many people ask me, “What is Soroptimist? “and “Why are you member?” So here's very brief overview of Soroptimist.

Soroptimist is an international organization for business and professional women who work to improve the lives of women and girls, in local communities and throughout the world. They are committed to:

• the belief that all women deserve to lead full and productive lives
• women helping women
• international diversity and fellowship
  

Almost 95,000 Soroptimists in about 120 countries and territories contribute time and financial support to community–based and international projects that benefit women and girls.

Investing in women and girls in our community

The Saratoga County chapter, with about 50 members, gives over $10,000 each year to help local organizations improve the lives of women and girls. That's money to help breast cancer survivors, to help homeless women start over, to console hospitalized children, and to help local girls become, physically fit, and build self-esteem and leadership skills. Soroptimists also provide financial support and a volunteer commitment of over 150 hours each year to help domestic violence victims break free from abusive relationships and achieve financial independence. And they've given thousands of dollars each year to: assist female heads of household to improve their family's quality of life, to recognize teenage girls engaged in volunteer action, and to honor women who work to improve the lives of women and girls.

Helping women and girls across the globe

That's a lot of local effort... but their impact extends far beyond Saratoga County. In just the past two years, our local chapter has:

• providing education and improved living conditions to girls in Eastern European Republic of the Moldova, to prevent them from becoming victims of sex trafficking
• supported clean water projects in third world countries
• provided medical care for girls whose lives were ruined due to fistulas
• sent seeds to war ravaged countries to provide food, income and healing
• helped girls in Sierra Leone, West Africa go to school.

The name, Soroptimist, means "best for women," and that's what the organization strives to achieve. Soroptimists are women at their best, working to help other women to be their best.