Saratoga Springs City Center Goes Purple... Why?

Saratoag Springs City Center goes purple for Domestic Vioelnce Awareness Month

One quick look in my closet and it’s clear I’m partial to the color purple. Why? Purple has long symbolized the effort to end abuse in relationships, standing for courage, honor and survival. October is a time to raise awareness of domestic violence – to get everyone talking about “purple” as a way to open a conversation about domestic violence, and to let victims know they’re not alone.

Each year, DVRC organizes a Color ME Purple awareness campaign. When I alone wear purple . I look like a woman who likes the color purple. But when many people wear purple: purple dresses, purple ties, purple scarves, purple awareness ribbons… it makes a statement. It conveys that this is a community that cares about safe relationships.  Throughout October I encounter people who say, "I’m wearing purple today"; and more importantly  they’re talking about why they’re wearing purple. It's heartwarming to how much our community cares about ending realtionship abuse.

But I was blown away when two nights ago I saw a really big purple statement. I was leaving work at 7:30 and the City Center was magnificently illuminated in purple. WOW! Now that’s Color ME Purple!

And later this month on October 30, the City Center is the location of DVRC’s 30^th anniversary recognition event, where we’ll be honoring 2 individuals and 2 organizations that have had a transformational impact on DVRC throughout the agency’s 30 year history. Look for more posts in the next 2 weeks about these amazing supporters.

And please  join us for our 30^th anniversary event:

Honoring: Leadership Saratoga Soroptimist International of  Saratoga County Saratoga County Assistant District Attorney Lyn Murphy Home Instead's NYS Senior Heroes 2012 Awardee Katharine Winderlin   Tuesday, October 30, 2012 6:00pm - 8:30pm Saratoga Springs City Center   We hope you'll join us to honor the dedication of all those who have assisted victims of domestic and sexual abuse AND share in our vision to reach and earlier serve all friends, neighbors, family members, and coworkers in need of our help.   Complimentary hors d'oeuvres and beverages Tickets are $75 per person; $35 of each ticket is tax deductible   RSVP to DVRC  518-583-0280 Find us on Facebook here.  October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Wear your PURPLE. Help us END domestic violence in Saratoga County.

 

 

 

When Teaching Our Kids Isn't Enough

In the wake of the Sandusky conviction, I think we all have to shake our heads in disbelief that children could be used and violated in such a way by someone in whom we placed such trust. That Sandusky founded his charity Second Mile, with a mission to help at-risk kids, but instead preyed upon these vulnerable children is appalling. Unfortunately, all too often sex offenders who prey upon children aren’t the villainous masked stranger we’d expect. They are often well known to the parents, respected, and trusted. They use this trust and easy access to the kids to groom them (i.e. prey on the child’s vulnerabilities and ‘pave the way’ before sexually violating them).  In a  study  :

· 46% of sexual predators were family members

· 48% were well known to the family (friend of parent 26%, trusted person in authority such as clergy, teacher, coach 22%), but a mere

· 5% were strangers. (Huot 1999)

Sexual predators are often rational and calculating in how to gain parental trust and access to the child. Historically we’ve focused our prevention efforts on educating children (e.g. good touch/bad touch programs.) Studies indicate that these strategies are insufficient: 

·“Most children do not know, remember or feel empowered to try prevention strategies.”

·Child focused sex abuse prevention should be our “last focus of prevention.”

·We need to “make prevention a national priority where the burden of safety is shifted from children to adults.“  (Kaufman et al 1999)

Sexual abuse of children; it’s something we don’t even want to imagine… but it happens. For more information onwhat parents can do to keep their children safe

18 Candles on the Cake, But More Growing To Do

September 13, 2012 was a milestone-- eighteen years… not a birthday for a young adult, but for VAWA the Violence Against Women Act. Never heard of VAWA? In short, VAWA made it clear that violence against women was a priority issue in the US. Here’s the history. VAWA is a US federal law signed into effect in 1994 by President Clinton that provided funds toward investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women. VAWA also established the Department of Justice’s Office on Violence against Women. Vice President Joe Biden eloquently summarizes its purpose, “[VAWA] was founded on the basic premise that every woman deserves to be safe from violence.” Statement by the Vice President on VAWA's 18 Anniversary

 

What’s VAWA’s impact?

VAWA created funds for victim-assistance services, improved prosecution of crimes against women, prevention initiatives, and coordinated community response that encouraged representatives from the criminal justice system, human services and community organizations to work together to end domestic and sexual violence. VAWA has resulted in increased access to services and improved victim-centered services, better protections for immigrants, and decreased rates of crime. Our criminal justice response to intimate partner violence has improved immensely. But there’s still more work to do. DVRC’s hotline still responds to almost 2,000 calls each year. Our shelter is often at full occupancy. People in our community still endure relationship and sexual violence abuse every day.

Eighteen years later VAWA is still needed… but we’ve grown a lot in 18 years. Let’s work toward keeping all relationships safe. Let’s end violence against women… and violence against men… and violence against children. I fully support all the work VAWA has launched to make our communities safer… let’s expand the vision. May I paraphrase Vice President Biden and suggest a basic premise that every human being deserves to be safe from violence. That’s a really big vision. Let’s start with ending relationship and sexual violence.

Peace Begins at Home.

Live it… model it… support it… let’s make it happen!

Want  more information about VAWA? National Network to End Domestic Violence

 

Sincerely, by Erin Billings

About 2 weeks ago I wrote about 15 year old Erin Billings who wrote a book to bring awareness about bullying. I was impressed with her initiative even though I hadn’t read the book yet and immediately submitted my book order online. I had a brief (and blissfully enjoyable vacation) and came home to find Sincerely in my mailbox. It’s a really quick read, but at times powerful kick in the chest, as the reader sees how multiple injustices, insensitivities and sometimes malicious cruelties can demoralize a child. But what I really take away from the book is the opposite message… that the positive actions of one person can become the lifeline that changes a person’s life.

In the beginning of the book, Lucy , a 16 year old wheelchair-bound with cerebral palsy is mercilessly taunted by her classmates… and shamefully even adults in her life. But the friendship of one girl gives Lucy a sense of belonging. In time there are other friends and supporters who mitigate the devastating effects of bullying with just a kind word or action. These allies weren’t always perfect; betrayal by someone you trust and count on can be more devastating than intentional cruelty.  I won’t say more and spoil a good read. But more importantly, throughout the book Erin illustrates how truly life changing small kindnesses can be.

What a great take away message to carry with us… that a simple word of  encouragement or positive comment may mean so much more to someone than we can possibly imagine.  What a powerful message for a little book… and what sage advice offered to us all by 15 year old, Erin Billings.

Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness.

Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams

Sincerely Inspirational

Well yesterday I wrote about actor Patrick Stewart’s courage in telling his very personal story as a child growing up in an abusive home. He tells his story for the simple reason that as a child he wished some adult had stepped in, spoken up and helped. May his stentorian voice help to break the silence surrounding domestic violence.

Shortly after writing yesterday’s post, I ran across a story of another person who is giving voice to the experiences of a child … this time a child  who is bullied relentlessly. This inspirational author is not a renowned Royal Shakespearean actor and movie star, but rather a local teenage girl who wanted to give voice to how it feels to be a kid who is bullied. Fifteen year old Erin Billings, wrote Sincerely in the form of a diary written by a bright girl with cerebral palsy who is targeted and ridiculed by her classmates.

I haven’t read Sincerely yet.  I’ve just placed my order for it via Open Door Publishers, but I’m already impressed by the tenacity of a 15 year old who spends 5 months writing a book  in order to raise awareness about bullying.  Stayed tuned for more thoughts after I’ve read Sincerely (but in the meantime purchase your own copy and let me know your thoughts.)

Patrick Stewart...Speaking out for the Next Generation

Actor Patrick Stewart, provided one of the most compelling examples of leadership I’ve ever seen. But it wasn’t on the bridge of the Enterprise as Star Trek’s Captain Jean-Luc Picard, nor was it playing Macbeth on Broadway.  Instead it was simply Patrick, the man, engaging in a conversation, dressed in a black sweater and button down shirt, speaking about his childhood and being raised in a home where he felt frightened and helpless as he watched his mother repeatedly brutalized.

“I needed someone else to take over

and tell me everything was going to be all right and that it wasn't my fault. 

“ I felt responsible.

The sense of guilt and loneliness provoked by domestic violence is tainting – and lasting.”

What resonates with me most, is that he speaks without anger or drama, but he still carries the memories  and the scars of a seven year old watching his mother being abused day after day. More than 6 decades have passed since he was that frightened child. The anger has burned to cool embers, but it is clear that being a witness to his mother’s abuse had a lifelong impact on him and his relationships.

I also think of  the courage of that small boy who stepped in between his father’s fist and his mother to protect her, a child stepping between a military man, a regimental sergeant, and a terrified woman to protect her. He speaks about how everyone knew, but whether from shame, or embarrassment or the sense that it’s a private matter, no one intervened “No one came to help. No adult stepped in and took charge. Today we’re much more sensitive to these issues, but not sensitive enough. Still these things are hushed up… still the violence is allowed to continue.”

I applaud Patrick Stewart for speaking out, for telling his intensely personal story so that others may also find their voice. Because no child should bear witness to such abuse… and only when each of us speaks up, will we as a community value home as a safe place for every child.  Silence hides violence… if you too find Patrick Stewart’s words moving please forward them to someone you know. Speak out about relationship abuse… so we can end it…

“Still the Violence is Allowed to Continue”

One More Step toward a Safer Community

Governor Cuomo recently signed legislation requiring all Level III sex offenders to submit to new photographs if they alter their appearance. Level III sex offenders are considered higher risk for reoffending. The new legislation, which takes effect in 30 days, reduces the likelihood that a convicted high risk sex offender can alter his/her appearance to become less identifiable. The NYS Sex Offender Registry provides New Yorkers with information on Level II and III sex offenders living in their communities, including: residence and employment address, photographs, and conviction history.

During the past year, this administration has implemented several initiatives that protect our communities from sexual and relationship violence:

·         The All Crimes DNA bill expanded the crimes that qualify for  evidence collection of convicted offenders to include all  felony and misdemeanor crimes.

·         The NYS Division of Criminal Justice Services launched  a domestic incident repository that gives law enforcement immediate access to information about past domestic incidents. See Allowing the Past to Shed Light for more info.

·         On August 2, 2012 Governor Cuomo also signed new legislation providing additional safeguards by 1) requiring law enforcement to notify the State Education Department’s Office of Professional Discipline if they are investigating alleged sexual misconduct by a licensed  health provider and 2) requiring the Board of Parole to submit release interviews to the NYS Office of Mental Health to make informed judgments about sex offenders being released to the community.

It Takes Just a Minute to Help Local Veterans

 SARATOGA COUNTY RPC– VET HELP PROGRAM

Think back to elementary school and the American Revolutionary Wars hero, Nathan Hale, whose final words as he was executed by the British were purported to be,

 “I only regret that I have but one life
to lose for my country.”

Why is it that more than 200 years later, we still teach that quote  to our youth?  I think it’s because those 14 words so poignantly illustrate the enormity of sacrifice given by soldiers for their country. But I think it’s a lesson that’s too big at too young an age. At 10, a kid can’t feel what it means to willingly lay down one’s life at just  21 …  to die so young for something you believe in.

I shudder when I think of war –of soldiers- young men and women the age of my sons bravely risking their lives for their country. I’ve seen the faces of parents, proud of their child’s valor and patriotism, but living in a continual state of unease praying for the day their child returns safely. And I’ve seen many times, the struggle to reintegrate back once home… a young man or woman forever changed by war expected to fit back into the life they knew before.

I know I’m not alone in wanting to help but not knowing how. But here’s a chance to help an organization that every day helps veterans, Saratoga County Rural Preservation  Company.

SEFCU is supporting Capital Region men and women in our armed forces and local veterans by donating $30,000 from SEFCU’s 24th Annual Labor Day 5k race to three non-profit organizations chosen by the community. The non-profit with the most votes will receive $15,000, the non-profit with the next highest number of votes will receive $10,000, and the third place finisher will receive $5,000. The Saratoga County Rural Preservation  Company is one of the finalists. You can help veterans in Saratoga County by casting your vote at SEFCU 5K Vote 2012    for the  SARATOGA COUNTY RPC– VET HELP PROGRAM .

7 Red Flags of Dating Abuse

When we think about relationship abuse, the mental image that comes to mind is a black eye. But physical violence occurs far later in an abusive relationship… or relationship abuse may never involve physical violence at all. To complicate matters, some of the early red flags of abuse may bear some similarity to early stages in a healthy relationship, e.g., social isolation can initially be misinterpreted for just wanting to be together or jealousy can start out looking like flattery. So what are some early signs to look out for?

·         Jealously and possessiveness

The individual may question their partner about time spent, conversations with or just looks at other men or women. This can seem sweet or harmless in the beginning, “You’re so good looking. I bet you turn heads whenever you walk into a room.”

·         Social Isolation

Limiting access to friends or family. “Your friends are trying to break us up. They’re just jealous of what a great relationship we have. I don’t want to hang with them. I just want to be with you.”

·         Moving the relationship too fast

“From the minute I met you I knew you were the one.”

·         Frequently calling or texting
        Initially this can look harmless, “I’m just calling to say I’m thinking about you”, but over time can increase to monitoring the partner’s every move.

·         Controlling behaviors

Criticizing how the partner dresses or acts, limiting his/her ability to engage in favorite pastimes. Put downs, criticisms or blaming the partner.

·         ‘Play’ fighting or ‘playful’ use of physical force

·         Rigid gender-defined roles

·         Hypersensitivity or threats to harm self if the partner doesn’t act as expected.

Is Fox News Right? Schools Don't See Dating Violence as a Priority?

The Fox News article begins, "Despite research showing up to a third of U.S. teens experience dating violence... a majority of high schools don't have procedures or trained staff to deal with the issue."


The article continues that counselors want to help but lack training. In fact researchers found that when given a test about knowledge about dating violence, counselors only answered about half the questions correctly… even though in the past two years 61% had helped a teen dating violence victim.



It’s easy to jump to the conclusion that schools aren’t doing their job. I disagree. The burden on schools is enormous; academics can be overshadowed with ever increasing demands to educate about: drug abuse prevention, healthy eating, not texting while driving, the importance of civic engagement and volunteering, pregnancy prevention, global warming, and general character education. Who has time left for chemistry, calculus, Shakespeare or critical thinking?


Yet kids spend a large part of their lives in school; the researchers’ finding that kids “are more likely to reach out to peers or perhaps an adult at school… than they are to parents” makes sense. So what’s the solution? Let’s talk about dating violence with teens… not just when there is a concern, but as part of our everyday conversation about relationships. These conversations can happen in school, but also at home, in the media, as part of Scouting, in Church or synagogue, between friends. Talk about it today... need help starting the conversation? Here’s two short videos to watch the discussion.

 Does This Count?

 Catch Domestic Violence Early 

As always DVRC provides no-cost assistance to help victims of relationship violence as well as support for parents, friends or others who are concerned for someone who is experience abuse. Call our 24/7 hotline at 518-584-8188 … we can help.

Tomorrow’s post:

Red flags that a dating relationship may be abusive.